Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
