can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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