He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
