The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
