He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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