Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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