I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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