I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
