just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
