tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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