just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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