and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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