I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
