what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
God, I missed his penis.
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