i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
