He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
