The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
