I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
