drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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