If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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