i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
