When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
