My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
