Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
