im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
