my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
