Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
