Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
