I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
