there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
