Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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