I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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