It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
