try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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