I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
