They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
