I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
