I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love having hate sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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