i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
