He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
