i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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