if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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