ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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