What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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