Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
