Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
