My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
