just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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