I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
