btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
