Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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