broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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