Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
