Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
