It's Friday. Sex?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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